So sorry for shouting at all of you. But the comp is less than two weeks away. By this point of the week I will be done with my dancing and will be just sitting around watching everyone else. 🙂 I’ve been working like a mad woman getting my dresses ready. I guess I’m not confident enough to show you guys what I made. Maybe I’ll feel better about that at the comp. I have rhinestones all over my house. We just had another couple of snow days and they have been very helpful in giving me time to finish each of my dresses. I still have some stoning and bracelets to make … But in the grand scheme of things — that’s nothing! 🙂
Recently one of our dancers in our community wrote a great post about staying in the moment while dancing. And I must admit that I’ve thought about it quite a bit lately. I’m very guilty about not doing that in my dancing. I insist that my students do it, but I’ve had a million reasons for why I will not engage myself. I feel justifiably chastised. And I feel super excited to start working on that — especially during lesson times. Somehow I turn on auto pilot and I realize now I’d almost rather have an emotional upheaval than to be a cold blank grey slate. Which I’ve been doing a lot of that lately. I was calling it self-preservation and other ridiculous names, but I’ve been called out on it and I shall try to change!
I’m trying to figure out what my focus should be the next week and a half of practice. Of course I want to enjoy myself, but I have this nagging need to actually create art out on the floor and it doesn’t always work out so well. Last week I was working on my rhythm dress and I hated almost everything about it. So, I peeled it off the dress form and threw it in the corner of the room symbolically showing no one my disgust with my work. Two days later, as I lay in bed falling asleep I suddenly had a thought for what I could do. And it’s turned out so much better than I had planned.
I go thru this same process in dancing. Sometimes I’m doing so badly I just want to toss it in the corner. If I was a visual artist, I could just throw the canvas in the dumpster. But … It doesn’t work that way. So, all these emotions just fester up in me and frustration with myself grows. I tried to explain this to my teacher.
He said, ” I noticed you go in cycles. About once a month you have a breakdown. I think I could make a calendar by you.”
I just looked at him. So funny, ladies, right? He had no clue. 🙂
I told him, no, not exactly, and tried to explain it to him. He said that we need to find a way to fix this.
I said, “I just really need for you to speak to me in a calm, gentle voice. ‘Its going to be ok. This is not that big a deal in the whole scheme of life. You’re ok. Let’s try something else and then go back to it.'”
He seemed perfectly happy with that.
Flash forward one week and I’m having trouble understanding why he wants my elbow a certain way and I’m frustrated and he gets really quiet and then says softly (insert strong Russian accent) “Everything is ok. You’ll be ok. Just relax.” And he has a really wicked grin on his face.
And it makes me laugh. So, that’s the new joke for anytime I don’t understand or get frustrated. Poor guy. 🙂
Well, guess I’ll sign off. I’m working on a guest post for another blogger that I’m really excited about. It’s dealing with a subject concerning dancing that I don’t think enough has been said. But, I’ll let you guys decide that. Hope to have it done before this comp. If not, I’ll write it from the comfort of those huge rocking chairs in front of the fireplace at the Grove Park Inn after my dancing is done. I’m going to try to share a lot while I’m there… 🙂 that’s the plan anyway.
Later, dancing buds! Happy Valentine’s Day! Much love to my dancing community!